Damn Robots went and Got them Mad
by onepostthrowaway
Summary: A short fanfiction starring the CGs and Connie that starts with Steven's eyebrows being stolen by a robot and only gets more stupid and ridiculous from there. Crackfic and drabble, somewhat.


p class="MsoNormal"Pearl grumbled as she sulked in the house. Nothing really was happening, and it was painfully boring, even though the Crystal Gems' lives weren't threatened. Homeworld had just given up about Earth, deeming it unnecessary and just leaving it alone./p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal"Pearl sighed. "I know it's peaceful, but it's awfully dull to just stay here with nothing happening…"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"As if something had answered her call, Steven ran in in a panic with his eyebrows missing, flailing his arms./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Pearl! Some robot stole my eyebrows and ran off!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""W-Wait, WHAT?!" Pearl replied in shock./p  
p class="MsoNormal""A robot stole my eyebrows!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Pearl stuttered incomprehensibly before she could put together a good response. "Where did this robot go?" Pearl said, assuming Steven didn't know why his eyebrows were stolen./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Into the barn."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Pearl immediately set into action, summoning her spear and charging towards the barn in order to confront the eyebrow thief. When she walked into the barn, she was greeted by a small cylindrical robot with long, flexible arms that looked like an extremely smug trashcan that just sprouted limbs./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Why did you steal Steven's eyebrows?!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Why, it's because I love to jank everything up, lady!" , the robot replied./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Why?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Because…" The robot searched for a valid reply./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Because WHAT?" Pearl retorted./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Because… AH, SCREW IT! BITE MY ASS!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Well, I NEVER!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Pearl immediately lobbed a spear and impaled the robot in one go. She retrieved the eyebrows from its chest compartment and returned them to Steven, who put them on with a smile. /p  
p class="MsoNormal"The robot, however, lurched and slowly came to the house, clutching the area where the spear penetrated. It opened the door only to say one thing./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Enjoy the calm before the storm."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"The robot dropped to the ground, deactivated./p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal"The next day, when Steven came to visit Connie, she was keeping an eye and looking out windows. It was clear that Pearl heeded the robot's warning, and told Connie about it./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Connie, why are you so frightened?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Don't you know, Steven!? Whenever someone says that 'things are boring around here', some huge crazy event happens, and whenever a cryptic warning is given out, it'll turn out to be true!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""…I think you're mixing up fact with fict-" Steven was interrupted as a huge impact was heard outside./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I KNEW it!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"They were then interrupted by a robot kicking in the door, followed by a whole team of identical robots./p  
p class="MsoNormal""We're invading Beach City! And then the Earth! And we're gonna make Homeworld PAY for it!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Both Steven and Connie shared a dumbfounded look, then looked at each other in unison and shrugged./p  
p class="MsoNormal""I'll get the sword."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"As Connie slashed at the robots whilst Steven used his shield both to defend and to attack, they had a casual conversation./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Know where these guys are from, Steven?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""No."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Oh."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"One of the robots spoke up. "WE'RE FROM THE ROBOT PLANET AND WE HATE ANYTHING THAT'S NOT A ROBOT!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""No, you trashcan! We're Metals! And we just want money and resources, not just extermination! Do you have a MAGNET on your head?!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"More robots streamed into the room, and Connie briefly wondered why her parents are suddenly just not showing up in the robot invasion. The two were overwhelmed by the sheer amount of robots pouring in, until an explosion rocked the room, sending robots flying everywhere./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Connie and Steven said in unison "PERIDOT?!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Peridot walked into the crater of robot pieces, then Steven./p  
p class="MsoNormal""OH MY GOODNESS, STEVEN, ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Yes, Peri…"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""And who's the girl?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Oh, that's my friend Connie! You two would REALLY bond over Camp Pining Hearts!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Connie spoke up. "Oh man, I love that show!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Me too!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Steven now had to deal with TWO fangirls butting heads over which ship is the best, and backs away to let the two duke it out. When he exited, robots were SWARMING Beach City. The cylindrical numbnuts were shaking people out for change, using Ronaldo as a bowling ball, and Lars as one of the bowling pins… Utter madness was happening and the Crystal Gems had to stop it./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Suitcase Sam arrived, however, pointing his suitcase at the robots./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Damn robots went and got me mad!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"With that, the mustachioed hero transformed his briefcase into a massive, twelve-barreled, black, automatic rocket launcher, firing explosive death and vaporizing any metallic demons that dare come near./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Steven ran to notify the Gems, arm flailing. He used his bubble to roll down hills and block any rockets fired by the robots, whilst Connie and Peridot followed him, Connie protecting both herself and Peridot. Steven ran right into Pearl in his panic./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Pearl! You gotta help us! There's a big robot invasion!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Pearl took a deep breath in, then called Garnet and Amethyst close. The three moms planned for how to deal with this influx of evil robots, then pulled Peridot into the huddle, Peridot slightly objecting. After a while, they finished planning, and Pearl let Peridot get to the barn to design a fighting robot to push back the robot attack./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Garnet turned to Steven./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Steven… It's time to initiate the Battle for Beach City."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Just as Garnet said that, a loud, booming horn sounded in the distance as the robots fused into a colossal metal Pearl. The steel bird mother had chainguns for fingertips and a colossal "End of the Century" beam cannon mounted on their chest./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Pearl stepped forward. "A robot me? Well, I'll show this knockoff the real deal."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"With that, Pearl ran towards the colossal automaton as it started to attack Beach City using the chest cannon. The rest of the Crystal Gems fought the numerous robots left over from the Mega-Pearl whilst Pearl cut away on the main threat./p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal"In fact, "Rules Of Nature" was blaring loudly as Pearl used her spear to slice chunks off of the colossal robot, its guns and missiles being absolutely nothing to the incredibly agile Gem whilst the robot started to fall apart from the Gem's assault./p  
p class="MsoNormal"As a finishing blow, Pearl leapt onto the top of the robot's head, transforming her spear into a long blade and plunging it within, running down with the blade and creating a long cut down the center of the machine, straight through. She landed on the ground just as the song ended, letting the colossal robot's two halves drop down behind her./p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal"THE DAY AFTER/p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal"Steven looked across the many robot bodies. "I think there's going to be a massive surplus of metal now."/p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal"well that's the end/p  
p class="MsoNormal"nothin left for you/p


End file.
